All about you

Today was day which just got more depressing by the minute. After all the fun I had at Club One 15 in Sentosa Cove, today had to contradict the happiness it brought me. I was greeted with very pleasant remarks from my mum when I entered the house. After all that discriminating words, I decided to get some ‘air’. As usual I sat on my corridor ledge, wondering how it would be like to just let go of my grip, to fall and end it all. After a few insensible thoughts, the face of happiness popped in my mind. I messaged ‘goodnight’ hoping to start a small conversation and you replied ‘help me tell her too’. This was infuriating at that moment. And with sarcasm I replied ‘thanks’ which got you to say ‘and you too.bye.’ That seemed as though I was forcing you to say it so I replied ‘err ya whatever’ and there it started a small spark. I ended it on my side immediately though but I am not sure about you.

That got me thinking the whole night, was I being too unobservant? The past few days, it has been dull. It was as though we are no longer like before. You “couldn’t” meet me unless someone came along. You are showing no interest in what’s going on. Are you too preoccupied in your own world? Or merely avoiding me? It hurts.

That day in my house, I showed you everything that mattered most to me. And just when I was about to show you my journal you walked out. I was talking to myself and I knew it than. I was not mad at you for calling him for supper or snooker. I was just disappointed.

Nevertheless I have learnt to put everything behind me at the end of the day. For you are much more important than myself. I will never want to do anything to ruin it. But what is happening? Why avoid? Just say it straight to my face. Silence hurts.

I get this roller-coaster feeling frequently now. It is almost as if you rather it is someone else.

Maybe, just maybe drunken words are sober thoughts for the night alone.I admit, it hurts to tears.