Hurt

The other world, filled with ambitious dreams and restless desires; where every minute detail is under control. A world where fate fears to reside, satisfactory is in every corner and joy is infinite. This world I speak about exists in each and every heart. It provides comfort and support when we are low. Every child lives in this innocent world before exiting the sphere of happiness to realize itself and the dreadful true world. Whenever we try to look into the future, memories of the world we used to live as a child in becomes a figment of imagination. Thus we carve the steps, drive ourselves and grow all our live to make our imagination true. Indeed it appears to be our own fairytale.

I have a dream of my own. My own little perfect fairytale. Where I am respected as an individual, where my name rings a bell in every beings mind. A recognised face, a popular square. This seems all too hard-headed and unrealistic. But isn’t it almost everyone’s darkest desire to be on top of everyone else? To be important and famous? I bet one would not turn down and opportunity to become all of that even if it might portray the person as stuck-up and ‘hard-headed’. I am just different, I rather openly express my ambitions rather than suffocate myself with it. I am a person who can never tolerate feeling average or un-important. I can see humble is not my term of accomplice but it does not mean that I want the rest of the world to be below me. I just want to be in that certain respectable level degree where I am recognised as a successful individual. This might not be vividly understandable. But I decided to give it a shot. This is me and my childhood world. Seemingly without going to school, without going to work. Without an opportunity to shine I feel less important and I have had enough of those senseless remarks from the people around me. As a matter of fact what gives you under-achieved people with no better standards other than age the right to comment on my lifestyle? I agree to have left my polytechnic education and to be relentlessly wasting a week away. If that has given you an impression to comment “he is just sitting at home wasting life, good for nothing fellow”. I have two words for you. FUCK OFF. I have already started studying for ‘A’ Levels and I am sure to get into a college next year. I am not sitting at home doing nothing. I have lots of responsibilities and I am not obliged to explain them to you. And of course, my social life is none of your concerns. And finally, look at your disgusting background and wasteful infants before you talk about me.

Well leaving that as it is, another issue is strangling me now. I don’t wish to mention your name. Let’s just say ‘bitch’. I understand your relationship is undergoing a terrible storm now. But what have I done? These past few days, I am being indirectly shoved away. Why? Infuriating answers are given to my questions. So I deserve to be in the blues of yet another friendship? Frankly I feel used. All those times ‘I need you to do this’, are they just for a matter of education. Is that what I am in your life? An educational ladder where you step and use to get where you want to and to hell with it thereafter? What am I? I do not deviate to the fact that I was more than just a friend to help before. But now, the only topic we get about is studies. Why? I am not asking you to talk about stuff. But why hide? Don’t tell me why you are troubled; it is really ok. But why disagree that you are troubled when you apparently are. I am not going to force an explanation if you do not want to tell. But why in the world don’t I deserve to just stand by your side when you are down. I don’t need to know what is troubling you; I just want to stand by. I feel shunt off and wasted my friend. I am terribly hurt. Thank you.

I need a big hug. Someone send it to me, PLEASE!